In the requirement from IBN, the application letter should include the following information: here IBN stands for Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology. and the letter is sent by email, thus no address information is given.
| Write a short essay on what you understand by scientific research and which area of research (those offered by IBN) you are most interested in and why. |
19 Lower Kent ridge Road RidgeView Residence BLK C 206
Singapore
(+65) 8285 7124
u0705239@nus.edu.sg
March 20, 2008
To whom it may concern:
I am writing to apply for a internship position at Biosensors and Biodevices part under your youth research project(YRP). I came to know this internship by the talk given by IBN in the Bioengineering week organized by our bioengineering club and i was one of the organizer.
In explain the scientific research, especially in biological science, I always thought as a student that would be related to test-tubes and pipettes to deal with those cells. Coming to the university brought me a step closer to it but still my research was limited to “expected results”, those lab sessions are to carry out for certain fixed result, if not, then to do the error analysis. I have always wanted to work in a real research environment. In my opinion, scientific research, one has to understand the theory behind, if there is no theory to referring to, we have to develop a hypothesis and later investigate the hypothesis with the designed experiments and proper data processing. In addition, many of the events are not sequential but have to be carried out simultaneously during the process. Although you might be an expert in one area, but you have to continue to develop your understanding and knowledge along the way as today in a world where everything is undergoing integration, knowledge in one area is redundant. Among the four research areas offered by IBN, I’m very interested in the development of Biosensors and Biodevices. During my second year, I have done a similar project, where my group designed a device to measure blood pressure non-invasively in order to monitor the change of blood pressure in real time conveniently and cheaply. Furthermore, I take a module in bio-imaging this semester, and I have realized my interest in biosensors and biodevices. I understand the importance of these devices especially in clinical applications and advancement in quick detection of diseases. I would like to broaden my knowledge further by knowing and working in the field hands on.
I would like to talk with your further on my passion and experiences in research related to biosensors and biodevices. I am available to meet with you at a time that's convenient to you.Thanks for your consideration.
Sincerely,
Tang Wenlue
6 条评论:
Hi Wen Lue,
This is a very technical application essay, for a very technical internship position! Haha! It is clear that you know your stuff well, and have a keen interest in Biosensors and Biodevices, coupled with technical creativity and pure talent in this field.
I was really impressed with your very insightful take on the education system and how it trains a student to only seek "expected results"; failing which, he/she is expected to carry out "error analysis". (:
Language-wise, there are a few (mostly grammatical) points I'd like to draw your attention to:
1.I came to know this internship by the talk given by IBN... >>> I came to know about this internship through attending a talk...
2.In explain the scientific research, especially in biological science,...>>> In explaining scientific research, especially in Biological science,...
3.I always thought as a student that would be related to test-tubes and pipettes to deal with those cells. >>> As a student, I had always thought that scientific research would be related to the use of test-tubes and pipettes in dealing with cells.
4.those lab sessions are to carry out for certain fixed result, if not, then to do the error analysis. >>> Lab sessions are carried out with the aim of obtaining certain fixed results, and their failure warrants error analysis. (Have I interpreted your meaning accurately? Please pardon me if you meant something different.)
5.Furthermore, I take a module in bio-imaging this semester, >>> Furthermore, I am taking a module in bio-imaging this semester,
6.and I have realized my interest in biosensors and biodevices. >>> and I have realized that my interest is in biosensors and biodevices.
Overall, I was secretly impressed by the way you wove in your CCA involvement->(NUS Bioengineering Club), raw talent->(successfully designing the blood pressure monitoring device in your 2nd year), and intellect->(seen throughout the essay...particularly where you give your insights into the workings of the education system, and offer your take on what REAL scientific research should be like). Haha, well done!
Hi Wen Lue,
Yes, it is indeed a very technical application letter which is quite different from the conventional ones.
One suggestion here. It would be better to separate the long paragraph into two parts, so that the reader will have a short break between the paragraphs and your ideas flows.
This letter does showcase your research talent. Best wishes for your research endeavours.
Hi Wen Lue,
I agree with Yuen May and Xixi that this is indeed a technical application letter. You have clearly stated what your perspective of research and how you would follow it through.
However, just to provide some suggestions for your write up, in my opinion, I feel that you could actually have separated the paragraphs properly and what should be included in the various paragraphs. Currently, I can only see your write up as a clustered cover letter and is not reader friendly. I also believe you have to state the possible contributions you would make if you are offered this internship. I think is not more of personal development but rather what you can give to the company. Also, showcase what you know about the company’s operation and state how interested you are to be part of the workforce.
7Cs wise, I think is just a couple of grammatical errors and I believe Yuen May has done a good job in pointing out those mistakes.
Overall, it is an informative letter that showcases the research side of you and also proves to be an interesting read. :D
Cheers,
Sylvester
Hello WenLue,
When I read the question of the essay for submission, I was expecting to see one praising the impact and importance of scientific research in the real world today and how you would like to be in that position bringing good to the world. But it was a pleasant surprise, fitting your answer well and your choice was quite cleverly justified by your achievements.
Coming to the part about 7Cs, here are a few suggestions you may want to consider:
"Although you might be an expert in one area, but you have to continue to develop your understanding and knowledge along the way as today in a world where everything is undergoing integration, knowledge in one area is redundant."
--> This is rather minor and not sure if it's valid, but I have learnt that by using "you", the reader may confused as to who you are referring to, especially in such factual writing. For a general person to refer to when writing such factual texts, maybe you could use "one" instead. This could make the tone slightly less accusing too, just my opinion.
For example: Although being an expert in a particular area, one has to continue developing knowledge and understanding along the way, as today..
"I would like to talk with your further on my passion"
-->And just a typo: I would like to talk with you further on my passion..
Hope this helps! :)
-Yanling
Hi Wen Lue,
This is another very technical job!
Firstly, your content is very focused on academic part which I think is relevant, but the co-curricular development should not be ignored as well. In this modern society, even in the most technical job, you cannot run away from interacting with people, in your case, co-researchers. I think it is still important to put a short paragraph what have you done non-academically. Nevertheless, your academic records and interests strike me very vividly. I would call you for interview since you have a strong passion which passes through in your essay.
Secondly, the organization of this essay is not well done. There is lack of paragraphing in the body. I know it is talking about the same big topic. However, you could break the paragraph up into 2 or more. This would make it a lot easier for readers to read. The introduction is nevertheless clear and concise. The transition between each paragraph is very lacking. There’s very little use of linking words in the letter.
Lastly, there are a lot of grammatical mistakes which hinder our understanding of you application letter. This could hugely affect your application to the job. I understand that English is not your first language and it is very new to you. Nevertheless, you could ask for help when you write your real application letter. These are some examples:
....
(continued)
-“club and i was one” linking word which should be used instead of and
-“In explain the scientific research” I am not sure the word, “explain”, is appropriate here.
-“In my opinion, scientific research, one has to understand the theory behind, if there is no theory to referring to, we have to develop a hypothesis and later investigate the hypothesis with the designed experiments and proper data processing.” This is a run on sentence with too many sections. It is very confusing to read. It could be “In scientific research, one … behind. If there is no theory to REFER to, we have to develop….” This would make the sentence clearer.
-“Although you might be an expert in one area, but you have to continue to develop your understanding and knowledge along the way as today in a world where everything is undergoing integration, knowledge in one area is redundant.” I am not sure what are you trying to say here. Also, “although” and “but” are never used together. From my understanding the sentence could be “Although …, you have to … along the way. In today’s world, knowledge in every field is undergoing integration. Having a knowledge in just one areas is insufficient”
-“at a time that's convenient to you.” This is a little too informal.
I hope this would help you improve your English language. Keep trying to improve. I started from there too when I first came here, but it could be better by the years. Keep it up.
Cheers,
Billet
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